disappointment

A wise man once said that "disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the atmosphere"....I'm sure his friends said he was just being dramatic, but deep inside everyone knows that feeling. Things don't work out with a guy. You're going through a break-up with the person you just knew was the right person for you. You lose your job. You don't get into grad school. That warm feeling that rises in your throat when you have to tell the people you love that you've once again fallen short of their expectations on your life. Disappointment is one of the most disheartening of emotions, but one that is constant to the entire human race.

I have recently been dealing with a great deal of feeling inadequate in my life. Overwhelmed and underprepared. Giving all I have and it still not being enough. Having hopes sky high plumet back to the grave. Like almost anyone, I have used disappointments most generally as a reason to throw myself a pity party, feel sorry for my plight, and consume too much sugar....Will anything I want or hope for ever work out?

It's times like these I am drawn back to the scriptures. Remember quoting Proverbs 3 in VBS that if we trusted in God, He would give us the desires of OUR heart? What ever happend to that? I'm pretty sure I knew what my heart wanted. What about Romans 8 where it says that "all things work together for the good for those who love god"???

Today I had a reality shock. As I was feeling sorry for myself once again, and drawn to my scriptures of selfish comfort I realized something. The entire idea that God would give us our heart's desires is firmly rooted in the belief that Christ is at the bottom of our joy, our happiness, our everything. If He truly is the thing form which all other emotions spring, then and only then can we trust our heart's desires. Maybe my heart and soul were disconnected without my knowing it because my mind was given to the control of the Master, but I wanted to hold onto my emotions.

Furthermore, Romans 8:28 reads, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." We like to think that "good" means things work out the way we want them to. We get the job, we get the boy, we get the raise. What this verse is actually speaking of, however is the "good" is "conformity to Christ." A better way of reading the verse might be, "And we know that to those who love God, all things work together to shape and mold them into the image of Christ."

Christ let us know from the beginning the price of following Him. It is an invitation to die, it points at the cross. In the midst of my disappointment, I must keep my eyes not on myself and my Ben and Jerry's, but at the cross. At what Christ did so that my ransom could be paid. At how Christ lived as an example to me. To allow my disappointment to "appoint'" me as a bearer of the name of Christ in the midst of my pain.

I rarely have been more inspired or encouraged by an individual than when they go through something earth-shattering and do not lose their faith. And I think all of us in Western Oklahoma, at least, know, the air is never fresher or full of more life and hope than right after a thunder storm.